Bark Her Out

Calvin (& Hobbes): “I think life should be more like TV. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you?

I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars.

All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothes, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't you think?”

Well, would it be journalistically correct to write a letter to the editor beginning with a: Ha! Ha! Ha!? On the other hand, would I be branded as a misogynist if I carried a straight face at a woman’s bad jokes? Is breaking news the same thing as breaking trust? Do I have a right to question too?

Can I also please shout and scream, because I feel like - right now? Are these uneasy times for a cub journalist, when unknown hungry predators are prowling to “Save our Tigers” from extinction? Would it be incorrect to point fingers at someone, just to identify?

Can Facebook and other social networking sites be incorporated as legitimate forums to air ones opinions under the Right To Freedom of Speech and Expression of the Indian Constitution? Where are you Chyetanya Kunte?

Has truth finally lost its way into the “dreary desert sand of dead habits?” If so, will it ever find its way out, “without fear and head held high?”

Is it wrong to join the ever-growing “I Hate Barkha Dutt” club on Facebook? Would it be further wrong to open an “I Hate Vir Sanghvi too” discussion forum on Facebook? Should I also start getting ready-made recipes for cooking stories on a TV Channel?

Can I be eligible for a Padmashree for writing this piece? Do 80 percent Indians care that we the people have big fights, right left and centre and also have the last word in sleek conditioned-environment? Or does the other 20 percent care that 80 percent do not care?

Are you the same guys I met last summer? Can I now say: “I know what you did last summer”? Is TS Eliot right to say cruel Aprils always help burials of cold winters to rise? Can we initiate legal action against Spring? Can we have a JPC please? Oh! A Joint People’s Committee. Better still, can we have a Revolution?

Why are there so many crows here in this un-ending winter? Will my voice be lost in these scarce but cacophonic airwaves? Is my voice being taped? Are mirrors an obsolete item these days?

Can I also advise the Prime Minster? Can I also stab someone in the back due to an error of judgement? Will I also be able to summon judges at my disposal to hear my case?

Where are you my friend Tintin? Is Calvin right when he says: “happiness is not good enough for me. I demand euphoria.”

“Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.” What good is our soliloquy, if we can’t help each other start writing our own history from today? Will India’s poor and hungry ever get an audience at the insatiable Rajas’ Durbars?

Can I also string along with Calvin on just this last one:

Calvin: Hi Mom! I’m making my own newspaper to report the events of our household.
Mum: That’s nice.
Calvin: Now I’m looking for a page one lead story. Can I interview you?
Mum: Sure
Calvin: OK, what are you cutting up there for dinner?
Mum: Fish
Calvin: KNIFE WELDING MOTHER HACKS ICHTHYOID! GRIM MELEE IS EVENING
RITUAL! SUBURBAN FAMILY DEVOURS VICTIM!
Mum: Out of the kitchen! Out! Out!